Relationships in general in the modern era have taken a very dramatic turn from the traditional ways that have shaped the world up to this point. For decades many have questioned whether or not chivalry is still even prevalent, or is the bond of marriage anywhere near as sacred as it once was?
Yes, business arrangements instead of love regarding marriage is a factor, and the standard disinterest over time that can lead to such high divorce rates are as well. But one thing that most can agree on is that money and social class play a significant role in determining how long most couples stay together, especially today.
For example, certain concessions that are made for celebrities and multi-millionaire and billionaire husbands by their wives, are not so acceptable for married men with an annual household income of 50k or less. The more materialistic wealth you have, the more accepting of non-monogamy a spouse or significant other tends to be. These understandings have always been prominent, and for the most part understood in mainstream society.
Another possibility, ironically, is a clearer understanding of how one partner interprets the actions of the other. These interpretations have been given through the perspectives of multiple online platforms of experts as well as amateur content creators, many providing substantial evidence to validate their claims. But to be honest, many being nothing more than opportunists as well.
Yet, the common denominator tends to be tradition. Looking further into understanding the shift from traditional, romantic interactions to the more modern dynamic we see today, many people have decided not to continue along a path that requires them to ignore the red flags they’ve become accustomed to seeing or been told about throughout contemporary media. Long-term relationships are seen as more of an investment and deterrence from loneliness. And marriage, more of a business arrangement than a lifelong, committed bond.
Now more than ever, arguments in relationships revolving around gender double standards, the appropriate definition of a submissive woman and a masculine man, and even what is appropriate regarding pictures to post, like or leave comments on social media, are pushing their way to the forefront of relationship discussions and becoming prominent causes for break up.
So, what exactly is the cause for this spike in divorces and break ups in recent years? Well, let’s look a little deeper at the evidence, starting with changes in the roles in the home.
From the early 2000s to the present, oversexualization in music, movies, television, talk radio and even cartoons had skyrocketed exponentially from previous decades. To accentuate this, the clothing available in retail stores nationwide, particularly for young girls, had begun to become more limited in comfortable options. There were a litany of complaints from parents about the limited selection for their daughters that seemed to increase the exposure of body parts by skin or skintight clothing. Also, not to mention the more positive, publicly viewed role models of the past have dwindled down into near invisibility.
In an economy where corporate industry juggernauts are very savvy and business is strategically steered in order to increase profit and give society the impression of at least a small sense of morality, what is the reason for this obvious uptick and its effect on the dating market?
One distinct difference, an explosion of increase in dating options. With the expansion of social media, dating sites and apps, the emotional intelligence of the average person is constantly being put to the test.
Meaning, people have their own individual limits as far as what they are willing to tolerate in a relationship and how much work they are willing to put into their own personal growth to better the relationship with their partner.
When dating options are abundant as opposed to harder to come by, monogamy becomes much less of the norm. Which begs the question, is there a rise in open relationships as a result? The numbers would suggest most likely yes than no.
Self-discipline is one of the hardest disciplines to master and sustain when you consistently have the choice to simply go with whatever makes you feel better at the time. And what tends to make people feel better in matters of love, scorn and physical satisfaction is a myriad of options to choose from. And this new dynamic continually tests relationships more than ever before, motivating one or both partners to move on to another significant other much easier.
A spouse for example, can randomly decide to look for an ex on FB or Instagram with the intention of an innocent reconnection, well aware that connection can easily develop into something much more inappropriate to their current relationship the moment they are unhappy in it.
In addition to the constant television and movie visuals, and suggestive influences of sexual promiscuity in multiple genres of music, even in the presence of young children, it promotes these instilled behavioral patterns at a much younger age than previous generations. When you include an increase in single parent households, an increase in mental health diagnoses, and an underserved foster care system to name a few, these combinations prove to be extremely effective in its destructive influence regarding trust in current, adult relationships.
When considering emotional intelligence, it is common knowledge that even though women rise to intellectual levels faster than men typically do, it is a different story when it comes to emotions and logic. And now that we live in an age where the bond of couples are constantly tested by evolving societal norms, women are currently responsible for initiating nearly 70% of the divorces and relationship break ups we see today.
Currently, infidelity is the leading cause of divorce at 60%. Emotional limits, a greater introduction of romantic options and an over stimulation of public sexual images and influence appear to be the main factors for these statistics.
And although it is still true that a little over half of marriages end in divorce, but second and third marriages end in even far higher averages, making them nearly impossible to work. One of the main points people from professional coaching backgrounds to online content creators agree upon is that the subtle to overt double standards in relationships between men and women in society, directly lead to break-ups and divorces. The bridge being miscommunication. And many of the actions are subconscious.
There are times where we only come to the realization of negative behaviors that we exhibit once it is verbally explained to us. Then the light comes on and we make efforts to change the behavior. These behaviors are often brought up in therapy sessions, relationship coaching classes, self-improvement courses etc. When it comes to dating and marriage specifically, there are nuances that have come to light that have always been there, but the masses just haven’t clearly identified.
For example, when a relationship ends and children are involved and it progresses to the courts regarding custody or child support, historically the justice system overwhelmingly favors the mother over even the child or children, regardless of the circumstances.
When it comes to traditional dating, even if the woman makes significantly more money than the man and even initiated the first date, it is viewed negatively on the man if he does not pay for the date. Another example is the fact that a lot of people on both sides of the aisle get passed up on, or intentionally mistreated in order to make room for the extreme.
Meaning a lot of good women get passed up or taken for granted in place of more promiscuous and less submissive women, and a lot of good men get passed up for serial cheaters and “bad boys”.
There are many more examples that go unspoken between couples that lead to serious miscommunication and eventual breakups, and more of a spotlight is being directed on what we’ve always seen but never really dissected. And although this is helpful, relationships are still suffering according to the data.
We simply need to listen to each other more, recognizing the traditional double standards and gaps in miscommunication that tend to lead to the ending of a promising relationship. There are so many individual factors that people are dealing with, yet don’t talk about. These include past traumas from abuse, childhood neglect to a host of other reasons that manifest into present relationships yet end up being disguised as something else because to delve into the root cause can be too painful for the individual. This is very prevalent.
On the other hand, understanding that this is the current reality, the question then becomes, is there any good news? Just what are the keys to maintaining a successful relationship to potentially raise kids or even begin a family business in this day and age?
Other than the obvious variables such as the influence of being raised in dual parent households of moral stability, solid standards in the choosing of a potential long-term partner and environments of higher self-esteem, what can the average couple duplicate in order to achieve a successful long-term relationship?
One thing is for certain, the problems are a lot easier to identify than the solutions, but congregating with more successful couples is a great place to start. Good luck! * Please see our data collected on “Dating” under our Statistics tab on the Home page menu
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